Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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