I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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