woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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