I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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