But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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