I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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