Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
