great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
