the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
