just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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