And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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