i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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