Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We need a shit load of segways right now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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