There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dignity is for republicans.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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