whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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