can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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