I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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