How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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