he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
