Who did Billy Mays play for?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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