I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
