i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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