Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize