it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
