I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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