This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
