Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
