escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
