I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
