If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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