I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
