I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
