my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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