You're so nebulous sometimes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize