I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize