sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
