Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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