I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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