So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
