we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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