I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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