Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
