Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
