one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
