get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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