If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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