Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
