I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
