Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
