HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
