do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
