My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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