Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
