Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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