he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
