Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
4 words: hood of his car
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
