You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
