and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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