I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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