dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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