she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
