I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
