i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
