FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
