the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
