The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
