Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
