"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
