i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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