wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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